If I Had a Hammer...
Herc statue
The Statue
Series Hercules: The Legendary Journeys
Season 4
Antagonist Discord
Setting Greece
In-Universe Date Year 3
Production # V0303
Filming Dates 16 June to 25 June 1997
Original Air-Date 12 January 1998
Written By Paul Robert Coyle
Directed By Steve Polivka
Episode Chronology
Order in Series 68 of 111
Order in Season 9 of 22
Order in Franchise 128 of 304
Previous Episode in Series "...And Fancy Free"
Next Episode in Series "Hercules on Trial"
Previous Episode in Franchise Hercules and Xena - The Animated Movie: The Battle for Mount Olympus
Next Episode in Franchise "Warrior... Priestess... Tramp"
Title Image
If i had a hammer title

A lonely Atalanta builds a statue of Hercules, which Hephaestus brings to life. This Hercules statue looks like and is just as strong as the real thing, but has a child-like intelligence. Atalanta tries to teach him things and form a relationship with him, but he is being influenced to do evil by his new friend, Discord. Meanwhile, Salmoneus has Hercules pose for and judge an art contest.


Salmoneus is organizing an artist fair and wants Hercules to pose for them. Hercules is not very interested at first, but Salmoneus convinces him with charity for orphaned children. Salmoneus eventually gets Hercules to pose nude. Atalanta shows up fully dressed with a guy named Kirteas. She is trying to change her looks so men would see her as more than one of the guys. Kirteas gets picked on by some dirty people. A bunch of dirty people come out and a fight breaks out. Atalanta gets her dress ripped and her skimpy outfit reappears, then she starts kicking booty. Kirteas gets scared of her muscles and runs away.

Hercules poses for the artists wearing nothing but grapes. Atalanta decides to make her own "man" and he ends up looking like Hercules. She likes her newly made Hercules because he cannot hurt her or make her cry. Some people come by and try to kill Atalanta. The statue of Hephaestus brings the statue of Hercules to life and the people run away. Atalanta notices he is not vary smart, but she leaves to deal with something. Discord shows up and opens the door so he can leave.

The real Hercules, Salmoneus, and a little girl try to choose a winner for the art fair, but they are all kind of ugly. Both Hercules do some good deeds. The fake Hercules comes by and thinks all the art pieces are nice, but Discord changes his mind. He then destroys all the art pieces.

The two Hercules bump into each other. Atalanta comes by and explains the situation. She takes the fake one home. Salmoneus notices the two Hercules and freaks out.

Atalanta and the fake Hercules have a "romantic" dinner. Even with Discord's coaching, he ruins it and Atalanta sends him to the barn. While in the barn, Discord gets him to leave and beat up some of the same people. He breaks the neck of one of them. He then gets mad because Atalanta is treating him like a child. The real Hercules shows up and Discord throws a rake at him then leaves.

The fake Hercules tries to kill Salmoneus but real Hercules saves him. A mob comes by ready to kill the fake Hercules, but he takes Atalanta and goes back to the barn. Discord nukes the statue of Hephaestus and Hercules comes by to fight the fake version. Hercules kicks him onto the fire. Discord makes the ceiling collapse on Atalanta then leaves. The fake Hercules lifts up the ceiling, sacrificing himself, in order to help Hercules and Atalanta escape.

Salmoneus gives Atalanta a new dress but she does not want it. The little girl comes by and gives Hercules the winning art piece she painted herself.


Hercules proved once again the true measure of a man is not the size of his grapes but the size of his heart.


Background InformationEdit

  • Iolaus does not appear in this episode.
  • This episode marks the last (on-screen) interaction between Hercules and Salmoneus.
  • Some of the pieces of art from this episode reappear in "Genies and Grecians and Geeks, Oh My".
  • The story is based on the myth of Pygmalion from Ovid's "Metamorphoses" in which the artist Pygmalion falls in love with a statue he's made. In that story, set on Cyprus, it was Aphrodite who made the statue come to life.
  • The artists in this episode are rather obviously named after famous artists of later time periods, except for Xerox, who is named for the popular office equipment manufacturer. When Salmoneus chastises him and reviews his copies, the sound of an actual phocopier can be heard.

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